At Martin Bullock Lawyers, we have dealt with a large number of family law matters over several years. We have seen many bad divorces and we have seen some good divorces. Our principal, Greg Martin, is an expert with over 35 years’ experience in this field.
Watch Greg’s full video below, or keep reading to see his seven tips on what you can do to have a healthy divorce.
- Remember, a divorce is not a bereavement. It is not the death of a relationship. Rather, it is a new chapter in your book of life. Your mindset is everything.
- Give yourself time to grieve. Again, using a literary analogy, going through a divorce is like the death of a beloved character in a book. Eventually you will move on, so make sure you give yourself the time to move on.
- Seek counselling or therapy. It is really important for your own mental health that you have somebody independent who you can talk to. Not a lawyer, but a counsellor or a therapist.
- Minimise contact with your spouse. Some people think that you are going to remain best friends. You are not. The reality is that you may have a healthy relationship at some point in the future, but initially there is going to be anger, resentment, and you are going to go through a horrible phase. During that phase, minimise contact. Only make contact for emergencies. Don’t send lots of text messages. Don’t send lots of emails. Don’t leave lots of voice messages. Be silent.
- Let out your anger. Write it down in a diary. Put it in an email and send it to yourself. Put everything down, all the resentments, all the humiliations, all the embarrassments. All the bad things that have happened throughout your relationship. But make sure to never, ever, send it to your spouse (or to their lawyer!). Keep it to yourself as a way to sort through and process your emotions. Alternatively, you might like to do something physical such as going to the gym or joining a team sport. These are also good things you can do.
- Have a good support system. Have friends who you can relate to and talk to about what’s going on, and who will listen to you. Being open and honest with people you can trust will help you emotionally and mentally. But don’t necessarily take their advice. At the end of the day, don’t rely upon them too much.
- Be flexible about your expectations. Make a list of what you want, but make sure to prioritise the things that are most important to you. Don’t make a list of demands that is set in stone – you won’t get it.
Finally, a bonus tip: see a professional. See a lawyer who has good experience in the family law system. Most importantly, see a lawyer who understands you and is sympathetic to you as an individual.
These are the best things you can do to look after your own health and to manage your own expectations during a very tough time.
If you need legal assistance with a divorce, or with any other family law matter, call us on 02 9687 9322.